Don't Make a Song with T-Pain If You Are A Sucky And Unfamous Rapper.

So here is a test. Please watch these two videos.





Now, did you know who the rappers were in those videos? Probably not. But did you recognize the songs? Of course you did. Will you see these rappers anytime past the next four months? Hell no. And I am here to explain why.

We all know T-Pain. The man that fell in love with inappropriate women back in like 2005 (?) has now become some sort of hood Tour-de-force. Let's take a look at the songs that he has been featured on that have become huge hits JUST IN THE PAST SIX MONTHS:

Bartender (feat. Akon)
Chris Brown - Kiss Kiss
R Kelly - I'm a Flirt
DJ Khaled - I'm So Hood (featuring the population of the Southeastern United States)
Kanye West - The Good Life
Plies - Shawty
Low (Low, low...low.....low)
Who the F*** Is That?

The man has the ever-elusive Midas Touch right now, and cannot be stopped.

Now, those last two songs in the list you probably recognized, but NEVER knew the artist who raps/rapped on them. That's ok, they're irrelevant (but in case you WERE wondering, Flo-Rida - Low, and Dolla - Who). Let's look at the irrelevance formula and figure out why these rappers don't matter:

1) Generally Bad
2) Totally unknown outside of their own families - and as a rapper, even less noteworthy than that
3) Overshadowed by someone else on the song...who is also much more famous.

You can see that the last two songs suffer from all three symptoms on the scale. If Plies was suckier than average and not respected in the state of Florida, he might've fallen to the same fate as these two. But he's not, so he won't (at least for a while). On the rest of the songs, there are enough marquee names to refuse to allow T-Pain to take over the song. And let's not forget some talent. Unfortunately, for Dolla and Flo-Rida, talent is replaced by a hired hookman.

Now, let's not be TOO critical of these two guys...I'm sure their labels figured their songs needed "Dat Monster Hook" and immediately enlisted Thoma's services.

But at what cost?

I mean, does anyone know how these songs go in between hooks? Even when I watch the videos (which is the only reason I know who's songs they are), I dont know what the rappers are saying. The lyrics are so unimportant that all I hear are unintelligible sounds - like someone gave Mushmouth a deal - or better yet - Keak da Sneak. I'm sure when people are in the club all they hear is "Who the f*** is that...bla bla bla something something words more words bla bla bla curse word curse word something words....Shawty got low low low low." I mean seriously.

T-Pain has effectively done what The Neptunes did to Noreaga on "What What" - effectively rendered the other artist on the song sort of useless.

So PLEASE, PLEASE, I'm begging any random rappers or music execs that may stumble upon this blog while searching for "T-Pain" or "Kiss Kiss" in Google blog search - please don't put T-Pain on the hook if the rapper isn't famous and/or talented.

Or you might not last past your first single either...